The other day I saw this video for the first time and it pretty much blew my mind. I mean, we all know how fake magazine pictures are and how airbrushed chicks are in the movies but this short video really brought those ideas to life. Comparing yourself to so-called perfection is a pretty dangerous game. Demi-gods and goddesses show up everyday in our lives on the covers of magazines, gigantic billboards, and on our favorite sitcom. Are there really people out there who never get a blemish? Or have completely styled and coiffed hair, all the time? Welcome to the real world folks and it’s, I would argue, prettier. What if we looked up to authentic, real looking women who didn’t look like they had plastic faces. And dudes, what if you worshipped chicks that had normal chest sizes and only wore heels, say, once a month. I think that we do and it is more of an underlying issue that I am approaching here. We all have those people in our lives that we think are beautiful or good looking because of various reasons. Our friend who is ridiculously funny; Our significant other who knows exactly what to say to make us feel better; our Mother or Father (or both!) who we look up to because they are strong and have faced tough situations. When we really think about beauty in our lives, I don’t think commercial beauty is the first thing that comes to mind. We may appreciate perfection and enjoy looking at it in our monthly Cosmo, but we know true beauty when we see it.
Cause I need freedom now And I need to know how To live my life as it’s meant to be
Have you ever looked at yourself in the mirror and thought, “who is this person?” After all the experiences, friends, choices, and happenstance, who is it that I am? Sometimes winter is thought of as a dreary, sad time. Lets rearrange that way of thinking. Winter being in between fall and summer is not only a chance for purification but also rededication. Snow falls delicately, coating the ground with a pure white covering. As snow melts, it makes a bit of a sludgy mess, flowing down sidewalks and streets. Making its way through streams, rivers, oceans, and the inevitable life cycle, that water is transformed. Finding strength in these winter months can be difficult. Remembering this cycle is helpful though because it is a distinct reminder that each day holds the possibility of new ideas, life paths, and inspiration. With perseverance we can see past the sludge to find this beautiful moments, people, and ideas, which enable transformation. New hopes and dreams lead us forward in these cold months have the possibility of covering or replace the running river of melted snow. Something that didn’t work out before can be forgotten or re-worked. Starting a new story with these winter months, or maybe a new chapter within an already exciting and worthwhile story that is already in motion makes me feel alive and inspired. We are who we want to be.
New Friends, Old Friends, and all Those People in Between
When filling out an application the other day, Steve said sort of seriously, “but wait, really, I kind of am like a migrant worker,” when attempting to respond to that question in all honesty. Being somewhat nomadic can be frustrating because you do not lay down roots for too long in any one place but it is also a grand opportunity to meet incredible amounts of, well, incredible people. You live with people for six months or maybe you work with them for a year and if you are being really realistic, there is a chance that you could never see them again. At a presentation the other day an idea of Aristotle’s really caught my attention; his idea was that the things of most worth are those that seem to be most meaningless. Immediately I thought of all of those things we do together that are for no real purpose in the grand scheme of things. Rock climbing, cruising down a river, and good old fashioned front porch sittin’ don’t achieve anything tangible, they don’t create anything you can touch or make money off of. But could be considered by some or even most to be of the highest importance. Why? Because they are what bring us together and solidify the bond of friendship. Its what makes you stay in touch with old friends and infinitely excited to meet new people; inviting them into your adventure. I don’t think there is a formula for staying in touch or for meeting new people. It all lies in being yourself and being generous with yourself whether it be in calling up an old friend to catch up and reminisce or striking up conversation with a new friend.
Expectations
When I talk about transition time I think most people have a real good idea of what that FEELS like. People who are on the younger side, without families of their own oftentimes see a great deal of movement in their lives. Whether it be from country to country, job to job, or even from their parent’s house to real life apartment; it seems like the majority of my friends go through transitions super frequently. There is that feeling of, what is next? Or, how am I going to occur in this new atmosphere, this setting. It causes, inevitably, a bit of anxiety to even the most grounded of us. As we navigate the waters of what’s next, its not only our expectations but the expectations of others that we consider, that we manage. As we “grow up” we become intertwined in the lives of other people. I have always believed that your very presence affects the people around you. Your spirit, past experiences, and current state of being all impact others. Moving out of my parent’s house for the, oh third time was interestingly easier than the previous two times. I was ready. I have learned over this past week that it is all about expectations that define how you occur in new situations. Having moved to so many new situations I had developed an appreciation for not creating expectations. When I moved to Haiti, I had no idea what I was getting myself into. I was ready for the adventure and learned along the way. On my way up to Vermont this weekend I did not prepare myself in the same way that I have prepared myself for previous adventures. It was Christmas weekend and I inevitably had an idea of what I thought that holiday looked like. As the weekend played out and I was in my new surroundings I became increasingly disappointed. Disappointed in Christmas? How much more depressing does it get? I realized that I came into this new situation without opening myself up to the possibilities of a new place and forgot one of the most important elements of transition time: letting go of expectations. My lesson this week was, let it go and let the adventure take you because if you put definitions on things and try to mold those around you to your expectations you are bound to be disappointed.
Nature Moment!
Everyday is an adventure if you let it be, I suppose. As I walked down the wooded path to Whitings Neck cave with seventeen eleven year olds I became really present to their wonder at the world around them. With an experience ahead of them that was literally out of their normal sphere of the world, the had nervous energy that was full of anticipation. Oftentimes it takes moments like that to remind me exactly how exciting, precious, and beautiful life is. In the middle of my talk about safety, a particularly excitable kid started pointing and talking about a interesting looking red frog on the log next to me. Of course, he didn’t mean to be rude; and in that moment I had the choice of whether to disregard what he was talking about and continue on with my plans or let that moment be, well, a nature moment. Keeping myself flexible is important, not only as an instructor, but just as a person. Being able to deviate from my plans to embrace those of another is a gift and a fundamental within a community. Looking beyond self in order to see how someone else’s experience could be better and more meaningful. So, we had that nature moment. As cool as the cave was, the one thing that those kids talked about throughout the day was that frog and how dang cool it was. I’m glad I stopped for that nature moment and hope that I remember to stop more because its important for them, and possibly more important for me. 
Memoir of an Ex Paris Hilton Wannabe
For people who know me presently it would be rather difficult for them to imagine me liking Paris Hilton with even a fiber of my being. On the contrary, those who were involved in my life as a teenager have seen me grow from a silly, strange girl who counted every single calorie to an even more ridiculous but slightly more aware person who is not afraid of a cheeseburger. In high school, my biggest ambition was to literally become Paris Hilton. The bubble of my world was so small and limited to media interpretations to dictate the way I viewed the world.
My moments of conversion and rehabilitation from self-involved boredom largely happened in our neighboring country of Mexico during high school. Exposure to raw human existence and survival was an eye-opener to me which challenged my goals and view of the world. One little girl really impacted me and opened up my heart to a world of love, compassion, and challenge that I still strive to be immersed in daily. I was walking down the dusty street with this young girl talking about the little things I could actually communicate about in Spanish and we came upon a small shop; a roadside boutique. I was craving a Coke so I stopped by to get some drinks and snacks for us. In countries where there aren’t all-purpose, everything you need shops conveniently placed every four or so blocks, these roadside shops often are stocked with snacks, food, pre-paid cell phone cards, and sandals/shoes/clothing items. I noticed a pair of pink sandals hanging in the back of the shop and recalled as I had been walking with the young girl that her sandals were broken and very difficult to walk in. Without much thought, I bought the sandals, which may have been a total of $2 and handed them to the little girl. Her response was unlike anything I had ever seen in my life before. She began crying and thanking me profusely. I really couldn’t understand what I had done to receive so much thanks but hugged her and said, “de nada”, it was nothing. From that moment on, I knew that in my world, there was nothing more important than giving hope and showing kindness to children and people who need it most. In the Bible is says that we each have a specific purpose and function within the world to show God’s love. My challenge is continuously to find opportunities to show compassion, kindness, and love to those around me. And to think, I learned all of this from a few weeks in Mexico!
Most people can look back into the different slides that make up their life so far and find the moments that changed them forever. This moment drastically changed my life view which set me up for the possibility of experiencing some things in life that I would have never imagined possible. So, immersed in our US culture, is it possible to be a completely recovered Paris Hilton wannabe? Does one have to reject pop-culture to feel meaningful and purposeful? The burning question really does have an answer. We are surrounded by and bombarded daily, or even by the second if you SMS, by media interpretations of how we should view the world are front and center dictating our guide to being cool. Being immersed in the world of pop culture can be fun and a good conversation topic but I suppose that fine line between PH wannabe and socially conscious human being who feels purpose is the ratio of media exposure to activities that are meaningful and productive. So before I get too high on a pedestal, I am going to admit right here and right now that coming home from a long day at work, the first thing I want to do, and usually actually do, is turn on the TV and veg out. I am also noticing though that my mentality and motivation to go out and do exciting, adventurous things has decreased and I think the two are directly related. Technology is so important and provides so much for the world but I am beginning to see much more clearly that boundaries much be placed on media outlets and communication devices to retain a certain sense of humanity and sense of liveliness. Sitting in front of the TV means we get to turn our brain off for a few minutes, which while wonderful once in a while, turns me into a literal vegetable after a few hours. Sending a text message is so easy and convenient especially when you are in a hurry or on the Metro but it can make us forget how to hold a real live conversation on the phone. I mean, ending a conversation is so awkward, so with a text conversation I can just let it drift off, right? My challenge to myself recently has been in the realm of resisting what is easy and pushing myself to work harder for relationships and finding purpose in my life. Having phone conversations and not being the one to end them. Only watching TV when I am with other people so it is more social. Reading the same books as my friends so we can hold each other accountable for actually READING! That’s all I’ve got for now but I want to think of more ways to live unreasonably and a challenged. Ideas?
& here is a song that has some pretty baller lyrics, check it:
Are you satisfied with an average life
Do I need to lie to make my way in life
Are you satisfied with an easy ride
Once you cross the line
Will you be satisfied?
-Marina & The Diamonds
The sun is shining and the clouds are full of rain
“I see the clouds swirling above the top most mountains in shades of navy and sheer while the drizzle softly pelts me beginning my run into weather, the weather of the day. As I continue on, I wonder if it is going to storm or if this is an equally beautiful false alarm. The clouds build like castles in the sky as I run forward towards the green, slowly fading to orange of fall. Suddenly the sun peeks out in streams of light as the hill becomes strenuous and the drops of sweat bead down my face. I see the sun, the clouds, and the rain wrapped in a breeze that centers me” –SR, September 28, 2010
Sometimes I wonder why I am so unequivocally attracted to nature; how I want to be in the sky, in the ground and surrounded by trees. I think this is something innate within us that draws us to where we came from. How do you explain the person who doesn’t “like” to be outdoors then? Even if a person is not going to sign up for trekking through the wilderness for weeks or a paddling expedition in Mongolia there is a certain joy we experience when we look out our windows and see the clouds forming a beautiful sunset right before our eyes. There are simply different levels of living within nature and we all experience its majesty at different levels. Some may take a look out of the windows of their cars as the rain patters on the cardboard box of the man who does not have a place to live. We all feel nature. Whether it is joy, trepidation, or anticipation, we have a certain connection with the water, wind, and dirt. We feel the wind blowing in our hair or the ground shaking beneath our feet as it readjusts. Whether we are city people or run through corn fields, we can take a second and breathe it in because, we live on a pretty great planet…
WestVA
RoCkY Mtns.
Haiti
Stratton, ME
Wildwood, NJ
Em <3
MainE
- Caribbean Sea, Haiti
Littleton, CO
La Republica Dominicana, Las Terrenas
Who knows, maybe post-college really isn’t so bad?
Coming back from Haiti has been really hard! My ambitions, friends/family, and what I am going to “do with my life” are topics I began to think upon with more clarity and intentionality. Spending the year in Haiti teaching and then experiencing a pretty intensely adrenaline filled natural disaster toughened me up a little bit. I’m still scared of rats, mice, and the dark sometimes, but I have had my world turned upside down and shaken up a bit. I think I even got a gray hair or two, but don’t tell anyone! Coming back to my family and friends was hard at first but then became easier than really thinking about what I did and went through during and after the earthquake. I soon realized that I didn’t have a story to tell about Haiti or the earthquake and I was trying to live as if it had never even happened. Well, it happened all right. That process of unpacking the experience while truly reflecting on what I did and how I felt is ongoing and not to a point of completion yet, but I’m OK with that, these things take time!
Coming back from Haiti meant leaving one group of people to join another here in the States. I quickly began to understand the struggles of my friends who had not gone elsewhere after graduation and had attempted to find a dreaded “J” word, a JOB! I saw that this life here in the US had a whole set of struggles of its own. I guess I sort of put off the whole post college blues for a year by going to a new country and doing something completely new such as teaching, but I felt it in full effect after being home for approximately two weeks! The honeymoon was over and I needed to be employed. Hours on craigslist and changing my resume about four million times was really good practice and made me feel like a real life adult, but never produced the results I expected. Instead of a full-time gig, I have a few part time jobs. So, as you can imagine this provides for a strange schedule and oftentimes odd hours, but gives me the flexibility to do two things that are very important to me and pretty much necessary if I do want that full time job someday. I have the opportunity to research and apply for graduate schools while finding opportunities to volunteer in the education/international world to gain more experience! From my part time jobs and thinking about graduate school programs I am understanding more clearly what I most want and need from a job, which is in itself a blessing.
So as I navigate in this world of what is supposed to be the post college blues, I am finding little ways to make this time the days where my education does not end, there is never a dull moment, and I am working towards something real and tangible. Going to work, a volunteer opportunity here, going out with friends and family there…who knows, maybe post-college really isn’t so bad?
Being Where I Am
As this year nears its ending point and we are getting back into a normal school schedule, I find it easy to think about the future and think about the time that I still have here! School officially started back up again last week. For me, as an English teacher, not much changed because my subject is not an area that is on the national test and thus was not particularly sanctioned from moving forward with material as other subjects were. The only thing that really changed for me last week was that I began really grading and will begin reading material in class again. Before, when we were doing para-curricular activities, I gave my students much more freedom in what they read and was very easy on them in terms of grading. I was compensating for the fact that many of them were emotionally just not all there. Well, for the past few weeks, things have been really poze (chill) here recently; there have been no big disruptions or dramatic things happening—things have been wonderfully normal. It is still odd to go outside and see buildings that collapsed and haven’t been picked up yet while things are really taking a turn for normalcy here at the school and in our neighborhood. There are a few places I am tempted to be in my mind. I am tempted to be outside the school walls and at home. Thinking about the future is so tempting. Making grand plans and getting excited for what lies ahead is, well, fun! What I am seeing though is that I must, should, and can find the fun and exciting things right in front of my face every day at school because in a few months I will not be here anymore and do not want to have one regret. I think life is a lot about taking chances and living life on the edge. Usually when we think of that we think of some extreme adventure hanging off a cliff edge or paddling down a fierce river but, wow, how crazy is it that the majority of people don’t really pay attention to the moments they are in and that if you do, you are taking advantage of life and living on the edge! I don’t want to miss a thing! That’s a wrap for now folks. To peace, love, and adventure!
This is your life…
This past week we had been preparing to really get back to classes, not just classes to fill the time but getting back to graded and serious courses. The students were briefed last night and went to bed in anticipation of our “first day of school”. At four thirty this morning, after one and a half weeks with no big aftershocks, our buildings were rattled with a 5.2 earthquake. The students immediately began screaming and running out of their dorms in whatever clothes they had been sleeping in. Its hard to convince kids (and parents) that we should continue to inhabit buildings and begin school when or reality has become different than before. We have earthquakes now, and being in buildings is scary. In class today, kids were attentive but had nervous energy. Hell, I have nervous energy! The earth moving is never going to feel normal, but as a community we are and need to continue to learn how to cope and respond appropriately to our new reality. We can’t be scared forever. Its just not an option.
On another note, I have a lot of free time these days since I am not really teaching too much and I decided to start an English class for the kids in the neighborhood who can’t afford to go to a school or have too much work to do around their houses to leave for six hours a day. Last week was the first class and whew it was a little shaky. Some of the kids have never really been in a formal classroom before, so classroom control is like number one priority. But this week was really great, there were actually a few minutes within the hour where everyone was silent and writing! Big accomplishment! They are really amazing kids who just want to learn so badly. It’s really refreshing and encouraging.
